Things That Make Lish Cringe #2: Raccoon Eyeliner

May 7, 2012 2 Comments

Have you ever been walking down the street or across campus or looking in someone’s windows and thought to yourself, “Man, that girl is wearing too much eyeliner!”? Well I certainly have, and it always concerns me and makes me want to rid that woman’s house of every kind of black makeup that she owns, because it’s not that hard to get crafty with mascara or eyeshadow or nail polish. Okay maybe not nail polish, but you get what I’m saying. Because this phenomenon is all too common, I am dedicating this post to Raccoon Eyeliner.

You may be asking yourself, ‘What is ‘raccoon eyeliner’? I’ve never seen that color at the makeup counter at Walgreens!’ Well that’s probably because it’s not a color, it’s a fashion trend I don’t understand. Here’s an example:

From left to right: Avril Lavigne, a raccoon on the red carpet, Taylor Momsen

Don’t even get me started on the trainwreck that Taylor Momsen presents us with in that picture. I mean, what makes you wake up one morning and say, ‘I have to go to a red carpet event, let me slop on the eyeliner so I look like a fucking vampire,’? I just don’t get it.
Taylor Momsen aside, this look doesn’t work on anybody. All of those little scene girls running around with their colored hair, choppy layers, and raccoon eyeliner just need to stop. At the very least, just stop wearing the eyeliner. It makes you look stupid. Which you undoubtedly are.
Whether you’re scene or you just don’t have any mirrors in your house, this makeup trend is something that needs to be stopped. I wouldn’t say it’s worse than leggings as pants, but it’s pretty damn bad. Buy some makeup remover and take that shit off of your face. Unless you actually are a raccoon. Then please, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing.

Slut.

Filed under Stories, The Lish Dish Tagged with , , , , ,

Things That Make Lish Cringe #1: Leggings as Pants

April 25, 2012 3 Comments

This fad is probably the one that makes me cringe the most. It is unflattering on all that attempt to wear it, and yet people continue to pull on their nearly see-through bottoms and flaunt their butt dimples all over town. And don’t act like you don’t know what butt dimples are. You know. And if you don’t, let me help you visualize it.

This is what you look like from the back, offenders.

To leggings-as-pants-wearers: I bet you didn’t realize that you looked like that from the back, did you? Well now you know how unflattering your derrière looks when you commit this fashion crime!
Now you may be saying, ‘I’m super thin and toned! I don’t have butt dimples!’ Okay, that’s wonderful. That brings me to a couple of other reasons why wearing leggings as pants should be avoided at all costs.
Leggings are made of a very thin material. The lighter in color they are, the more transparent they appear to be. But regardless of the color of your leggings, they are going to be skin tight and cling to you. This is where a problem is presented.
Nobody wants to see your pantyline. It’s a fact. It’s gross and bulgy and just looks bad. On the reverse, nobody wants to know if you aren’t wearing any underwear, and a lack of pantyline through leggings is a dead giveaway that you are going commando. Underwear or not, I do not want to know what you’ve got going on under those leggings and chances are, nobody else wants to know either. So do us all a favor and wear pants or a dress. Please. You’ve reduced me to begging.
Another thing that leggings have the ability to conjure up is the dreaded front wedgie. If I am in class and a girl comes strutting in on a camel, I am going to notice. Same concept. Same animal, even. Do you want that to be what people notice about you? No you don’t! YOU DON’T WANT THAT!
Now you might say to me, ‘Alysia, why are you looking at girls’ butts and front wedgies?’ My answer is simple. If you have it out there for me to look at it, I’m going to notice it. So keep it out of my line of sight, or better yet, out of your life completely.
I’m not saying to get rid of leggings completely. No! They are a good item to have in a wardrobe! But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t wear them as pants! Wear them with a dress or with a skirt, or even a long tunic, but please keep your butt covered. I don’t want to have to gauge my eyes out.
For your camel,
Alysia

Filed under Personal Blogs, The Lish Dish Tagged with , , , , ,

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