May 7, 2012
by Jacob Smith
10. People think video games are only for children.
I won’t go into this one too much, but I do find it sad. The general public is blind to gaming culture. The video game is a medium, just like a book or a movie, that helps us experience stories. I plan on devoting an entire article to this soon, so I won’t go into detail. Just know that I am livid about this.
Japanese box art for Heavy Rain
9. I will never be able to watch every horror film I own.
There are literally hundreds of them…almost one thousand. At the rate I’m going, I will never have time to finish them all. Eventually, I will have an entire week devoted to watching as many of these beauties as possible, but only God knows when that week will occur. On a side note, I finished my Freddy and Jason collections this week! I’m pretty excited about that, actually.
Fun times…
8. McDonald’s is bad for me.
I am counting this one, despite the fact that I am well aware of it. The McDouble is the bane of my existence…and the McBagel will be the final nail in my coffin. I am trying to eat more healthy, but I’m not sure their salads are very good either…
Pretty much anything on the menu will kill you.
7. I am petrified of failure.
This is not a fear that most people bring up in casual conversation. I love spiders, I’m fine being alone in the dark, and I can play Amnesia for more than ten minutes without having a seizure. However, give me a large task to do that hundreds of people are going to judge me for…and I will lose all composure. The greatest minds who ever lived have stated that failure is inevitable. For some reason, I’m having trouble accepting that. I am of at least average intelligence and I believe there is some very real talent in me. I just don’t know exactly what that looks like. You cannot make everyone happy. Some people love The Godfather. Some people find it boring. I guess I am just worried that no one will like the things I do. From the posts I write on this site to the upcoming film projects I’m doing, I am scared out of my mind, thinking of the reactions they might receive. So, I thank you for at least giving me a chance, whether you like my writing or not.
6. The “magic of Hollywood” died years ago.
Perhaps this makes me an elitist, but there is a certain something about old-school Hollywood that may be gone forever. Yes, fantastic movies are still being released. Every year, we see interesting, original films come out of that place…and yet, something is missing. I think, maybe, that it has something to do with media, ironically. The combination of paparazzi-style news and enlightenment via internet have tainted our view of film. It’s sort of like magic before the 1900′s. It was a thing of wonder and excitement…until everyone found out that it was fake. Then, it was dead. Forever.
I said, “Forever.”, right?
5. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is never coming back.
Some of you may not be aware of MST3K, but I assure you it was a popular show, in its time. It consisted of one human (Joel or Mike, depending on the season) and two robots (Servo and Crow) watching a bad movie…and commentating on it throughout. It made bad movies hilarious and horrible movies bearable. It lasted ten glorious seasons. While it could take you awhile to watch all ten seasons, all the shorts, and any other specials they had, that is simply not enough! Yes, we now have Riff Trax and Cinematic Titanic to present us with this beautiful art form, but the point here is exposure. How many people go to rifftrax.com or pay to see Cinematic Titanic live? NOT MANY! This little problem could be fixed, however, by bringing Mystery Science Theater 3000 back to television. They could even air old episodes to get the younger audience ready for the new seasons. Personally, I think this could work. At least give it a chance. Television lets me down a lot though. If Whitney gets picked up for a second season, I’m quitting cable for life.
Explain yourselves, NBC…
4. I’m not the funniest person in the room.
Let’s get one thing straight. I do not have self-esteem issues. I honestly think I’m a moderately funny person. (Less so when I’m tired.) I have a quick whit that, like most, occasionally works against the person using it. However, there are comedic geniuses out there that I will never come close to. Even the great Billy Crystal once said he could never be as quick as Robin Williams…and I personally think Billy is one of the best. My ego is much like the ego of any normal male. Often, I look around a room, assessing the other guys. Who has the most masculine chin? Do any of them have better hair than me? (Probably not…) This is a common practice among males, oddly enough.
As is this…
3. Scripts don’t just write themselves.
Some of you (hopefully) may be aware that I have been actively trying to enter the film world. More particularly, I would like to be a director. It seems easy, right? Write a script, find actors, film, edit, release. Easiest thing you can do in the course of a day! For some reason, I am having trouble with the first step. Obviously, I don’t hate writing. I rather enjoy it. So, these scripts should flow freely from my mind. Honestly, they are. An idea for a movie forces its way out of me about once every ten minutes. I even write these ideas down on paper. A week passes before I pick up that paper again…and when I do, it sounds like the worst idea in the entire world! Perhaps this is normal for writers, but it is more than crippling my would be talents. I cannot rely on others to help me write these scripts. Many people are willing, but I need to show myself and those around me that I am fully capable of forming an acceptable script by myself. That is what I plan to do this week. I may even post it on here, for evaluation purposes.
2. People like big words.
This is, by far, the most difficult one for me to accept. It is also a much broader topic than just large words. It is pretension, in general. (That one doesn’t count!) For the most part, the public is easily courted by big words and a fast tongue. (No sexual connotations, I promise.) Whether they are trying to explain how physics play a large role in rugby or how “coffee is the most artisinal bean”, these people are constantly trying to convince the world they have slept with Noah Webster, himself. I would be completely fine with this, if the world wasn’t so eager to support this lifestyle. They eat it up! Many of these pretentious “cool kids” (or so we’ll call them) are legitimately intelligent. The problem is that they want those around them to see and care how intelligent they are. If you can complete an order from McDonald’s without asking, “How much it is?”, most people will automatically assume you are of at least moderate intelligence. Basically, I am talking to these people directly. I want you to stop with these fake personas and just live, not caring how you sound to those around you. I guarantee that it will make you a happier person. Remember: Knowledge and wisdom are two very different things.
Irrelevant, but I am SO tired of this guy…
1. Nobody has any idea what they are doing.
From the beginning of life, up until about two years ago, I assumed people naturally became so good at a set task that it was second nature to them and required little-to-no focus. I was wrong. Many people in this world are very good at what they do and rarely have to question themselves. However, they DO question themselves. This was never a plausible situation to me, apparently. You go to school. You get a good job. You master that job, right? No! Nobody masters anything. Most of the wonderful things we do in this world are either by chance or have severe flaws. It is human nature to be flawed. That is what makes the fruits of our labor so much sweeter, is it not? When I first started working in retail, I learned very quickly that nothing is a perfect science. Dealing with customers is as subjective as it gets! People don’t always want the cheerful employee who chats with them about life and music. Sometimes, they want the stern, authoritative person who can get them out of the store as quickly as possible. It is all relative to the individual and his or her current situation. The same goes for anything else. Almost everything is relative. I would post my theories on the subject, but I’m fairly certain it has been well recorded already.
I’m not saying it was Einstein…
…but it was Einstein.
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